Least Favorite Thing My Friend Dimple Has Heard Me Say

to people I might date but have never met (and surprisingly, she's had a lot to choose from):

Scene: S and D are chillin at Dolores Park Cafe. The ever-squinting S semi-recognizes a passing fella (formerly known as M, now known as ScruffyMan) from ... well.... the Onion... who has contacted her and with whom she will perhaps go on a date with sometime in the next decade should they ever be in the same town for over a minute.

S (yells and squints): Hey! Are you M?

M (looks scared. Approaches cautiously)

S: Hey this is M, whom I have never met!

D (rolls eyes and prepares for coming disaster)

S: M, this is my friend D. She's visiting from Houston [NOTE: This is definitely winner for the Least Favorite Thing D has ever heard me say about her... since she lives in AUSTIN. Whoops. I knew that. I blame Tourettic-Dyslexic tendencies. Besides, they really do sound similar to the untrained CA-centric ear.)

D: Austin.

S: Whatever. M, you look just like your pictures. How fun!

M: (looking increasingly uncomfortable, eyes look for escape route) I am normally not this scruffy and unshaven.

S: Oh, me too. Haven't even showered recently. (grin)

D (faint groan)

M (blink. more uncomfortable lookingness, eyes dart faster)

S (missing the whole uncomfortable thing): So, I'll see you sometime in August when we are both in SF.

M (emits nervous laughter. shuffles off, making mental note to avoid Dolores Park Cafe for remainder of evening just in case)

Post-Script: It is important to D that the world, particularly the world of people who perhaps have thought to ask me on a date, know that I bathe regularly, even if I don't brag about it. To which I would like to point out that at least I didn't actually think to put my unshaven, um, parts next to his chin and do some kinda scruffy comparison, ya know? I got filters.

But regardless, do us both a favor and spread the word on my bathing cleanliness, k?