7.19.2010

Run Naked?

Until today, I have never been asked my permission for someone else to run naked. Odd, isn't it?

Two peas, one pod.

One of the peas is the rapidly shrinking Original Shorty (OS), formerly known as Flappy Pappy. The other pea is his absolute favorite person, Baby "Gluteus to the Maximus" (BG), formerly known as the Butt Pugg, currently pseudonymed as OS's one and only grandson.

Here are a sampling of today's conversations:

1. OS separates his daily pills into boxes. BG sends out a searching hand. OS:
Ah, this one is called [let's say Enulose]. It's a laxative. You don't want one of these. Not yet, anyways.

BG withdraws hand and appears pensive.

2. OS: Grandpa loves Max sooooooooooooooo much.
BG: Too much.



7.16.2010

Winnemucca, Location of the 44 Hour Softball Tournament

Which far from explains why I am here.

It started with my brother moving to Utah.
It continued through his realization that Utah is not so big on easy alcohol access and that he therefore must be chipmunk-like and store up for winter.
It moved on to him exacting a promise from me to drive a station-wagon FULL of alcohol to Salt Lake City.
It wound its way to Shorty #1 (now medicated, but formerly known as Flappy Pappy) deciding he simply could not stand to be left behind while I drove to Utah on my own.
It involved him telling me every other day for the past month,
Winnemucca is known for its Basque Community and the Basque food. Can you believe it?

Which, through the power of sheer repetitive advertising, I believe I now can.

It went on to concern the typical family 'Bait and Add' sudden appearance of Shorty #2 (a.k.a. crazy mama con beehive) in the pocket of backseat remaining in the car as we sought to leave San Francisco.

All of which resulted in - after eight hours, fifteen stops punctuating the 'Don't go over 55mph' screeching soliloquies, and one very threatened GPS system - several new creases on my brow and more new trauma hotspots in my neural pathways. But, since I am an albeit reluctant lifelong learner, all was not lost.

1. The description "downtown" has a vast array of meanings. On the corner of Winnemucca Boulevard and the aptly named Malarkey Street, an actual tumbleweed whizzed by me. The alacrity of the tumbleweed should indicate several things, only one of which is the rate Shorty #1 walks. And

2. Basque restauranteurs have a well-developed sense of humor. Not only do Winnamucca Basque restaurants provide airbrushed glamor shots of your meal in its previous baby state (which I believe allows patrons to more easily cave-person grunt-point their ordering wishes),

they also provide the perfect meal for a country-crossing vegetarian - all you can drink red table wine. It certainly is a relief not to have to masticate one's nutrients. And, besides, with so many choices - from bacon-infused french fries to veal-soaked lamb chops to beef-simmered ham to the very vegetarian iceberg lettuce salad - how could one otherwise decide?!

7.09.2010

Brain, Meet Summer. Now Turn Off.

My brain becomes very productive the second I go on summer break. I mean real break. No unpaid meetings about next year. No summer school teaching. Meaning I have been on for exactly four hours... and it is July. Not a good sign. I have to get all my seemingly-lucid-awake-REM-sleeping-brain-stateness in within the window of one month this year. We should all be experiencing a sense of dread.

All this summer brain cramming hurts. Today, I woke up wondering why it is that in supermarkets eggs are never housed anywhere near the chickens. How is it that eggs became a dairy?

Unable to solve the logic of this (though, of course, the Michael Pollanian corporate A->B of this seems clear), I moved on to the Phenomenon of the Fixie Identity. Specifically focusing on what SF walkers would need to create a group identity. Which led me to offer (in the classy spirit of Juicy Coutoure) the emblazing of all velour clad strolling bottoms: "Get off your gas and walk." Feel free to weigh in on possible fonts.

The Slow Cooker has unfortunately been dragged into my condition, and together we have arrived at the following for our future ukulele band:

Name: Paranoid Jews
First Album: The Guilty Catholics
Sophomoric Album, SC's Pick: Pious Muslim
Sophomoric Album, My Pick: Buddhists That Kill

Feel free to send me back to work asap, someone.