Umbalakade: Fish or Spice?

Hello long-neglected readers: It's 2007, the Golden Pig is practically nuzzling us for truffles, work is in finals, I am in grading avoidance, school starts Tuesday (look for Season 3 episodes to traumatize us both soon), and I appear to be ridiculously hot for someone who looks like a combo of a Smurf (but not blue) and Peter Dinklage (but not a vegetarian and without achondroplasia). So you can see why it is best for all involved that I take a writing break.

Welcome back.

So last week I was at AA'n'A's seasonal thematic potluck gathering and had many a fabulous conversation with many a delightful person, some of whose names begin with Hal (and some of them began and ended with Hal, which is quite convenient here). And one such conversation with one such Hal led to the vegetarians' love-hate relationship with Asian 'spices' that happen to have been sentient beings at one time. And this particular Hal had me promising to write to you all about it. Now, normally a promise-keeper I am not (and I am certainly not a Promise Keeper, insert skin shudder here), but I had had two divine pieces of cheesecake and couldn't really be held responsible for what came out of my mouth at that point.

So, while lagging, promises will be kept.

The issue at hand.... Is Umbalakade a fish or a spice?

[No, you cannot stay in the middle. This is my game and I am sick of both the fence sitting liberals and all y'all "both... and..." hippy types - even if I am one normally]


Evidence supporting Umbalakade as a SPICE:
(1) It is dry and flaky, crushed with a mortar and pestle, often.
(2) It is a unilateral ingredient used in Sri Lankan food. I mean, it is in everything.
(3) Sri Lanka has quite a few Buddhists, and a ginormous population of vegetarians.
(4) Umbalakade is in every single ounce of vegetarian food eaten by every super venerated and religious Buddhist monk and layperson in Sri Lanka.
(5) Sri Lanka is a small country, but this is still more than one hundred people, making its presence statistically significant, if you ask me.
(6) A vegetarian country is hardly going to stand for a staple ingredient being a fish. Please.
(7) Sri Lankans refer to Umbalakade as a SPICE. Even in English. As in, "Sar, will you grab that SPICE and add it in heaping spoonfuls to this completely vegetarian curry?" OR "Podiy, would you kindly mix the maldivefish spice into your favorite dish ever.... pol sambol?"


Visual A:


Visual B:


Evidence suggesting Umbalakade may be a FISH:
(1) Umbalakade (phonetic translation of Sinhala word) = Hiki-kandu mas (phonetic translation of... um... Japanese, I think) = Maldive Fish (English. Plain ol English.)
(2) Prior to being crushed, beaten, and pounded into a silvery, flaky powder in that mortar and pestle, the 'maldivefish' bears striking resemblance to a desiccated small silver fish, complete with tiny gills and little vacant eyeballs.
(3) Prior to being scooped up by the ton and shorn of all H2O, this spice swam about - perhaps minding hir own business, perhaps makin' trouble - in the Indian Ocean and South China Sea, much like a wee sardine.
(4) It smells like a fish.
(5) It tastes like a fish.
(6) One of its primary roles in Sri Lankan cuisine, besides that providing a certain salty flavour (see #3 above) is that it injects a serious dose of protein. Suspicious.
(7) It is processed in a fish cannery after being caught by fisherfolks.
(8) Some Sri Lankan Buddhists, while not claiming vegetarianism status, justify the eating of fish and meat by noting that the flesh in question "Was already dead" when they bought it. I am sure omnivorous Buddhists all over the world have taken on this particular philosophy, not just Sri Lankans, and so I am not sure this particular argument should even be given a number. Let's strike this as tangential.

SPICE Rebuttle to FISH Argument:

(1) Some U.S. vegetarians have as their full title: "I am a vegetarian who eats fish." Again, I am not sure this particular argument should even be given a number, so let's also strike this as tangential and just a load of crap.


There you have it, folks. If I could figure out how to put a poll up on this site I would. But.... Umbalakade: Fish or Spice - YOU DECIDE.