Dadisms

My dad, whose hearing, mediocre in its best times, has absolutely gone to pot.

1. My dad calls me on his cell phone. He has the speaker phone on in an effort to hear what I am saying. I have a fever of 100 degrees. My dad asks me a question. I start sneezing into the phone.

Dad: What?

Me: (continued uncontrolled sneezing)

Dad: I cannot hear you.

Me: (sigh)


2. My dad and I are going to a party. He points out he has put in his hearing aid for the occasion. I ask him a question, which he doesn't hear.

Dad: What?

Me: Is your hearing aid on?

Dad: I cannot hear you.

Me: It doesn't seem like your hearing aid is on.

Dad: My hearing aid is on.

Me: It doesn't seem to be working. Did you change the batteries in it?

Dad: What?

Me: Batteries. Batteries. Ba-tte-ries.

Dad: Yes, I just changed the batteries.

Me: Well, it doesn't seem to be working.

Dad: What?

Me: It is nooooooot wooooooooorking. You caaannnnnnnooooooooot heeeeeeear meeeeeee!

Dad: No, it is working. But I cannot understand you.

Me: Isn't that the definition of "not working"?

Dad: What?

Me: (rinse and repeat)

Dad: I can hear you are speaking. I just cannot make sense of the words. The hearing aid is working. The problem is that my brain is no longer working.

Me: (sad, so very sad)