Bringing the Term "Got Wood?" to a Whole New Level

You know shit's fucked up when you find yourself writing the following work email:

From: SB
Date: Thu, Apr 14, 2011 at 2:57 PM
Subject: 9 "missing" (well, pilfered) Condom Demonstrators, worth $100ish dollars

Dear Staff,

I would like your help.

Last Wednesday, while I was on a Fieldtrip to Youth Advocacy Day, a Sexuality Educator from the community dropped off in the front office a box containing 20 condom demonstrators (basically wooden educational dildos) for our Peer Educators'sexuality group to borrow for their workshops.

I was not able to pick up the box until the next day (because we were gone!), and when I returned I found the very OPEN box in the main office and noticed the wooden condom demonstrators, though at that time I did not count how many were in the box. I simply brought the box to [the utility] room for Committee Day.

The students in the Sexuality Group began to make their materials for the Health Tabling Day. They also did not count the condom demonstrators at that time.

Then, we hid the box of materials underneath another box of our materials in our usual location in the Green Room.

That was last Thursday.

Today, our Guest Sexuality Facilitator and the students retrieved the box from its place to find only 11 condom demonstrators in the box.

So, between the main office and the use of the Green Room last--> this week, 9 condom demonstrators were taken from the box. As they were not ours, we are in the position of owing approximately $100/ 9 new demonstrators, to this community guest.

If you have ANY information or happen to know who thought that these were there for the taking, please bring them back or let us know what you know.

I would be so grateful,

So now the question becomes:

How inappropriate would it be to hold a fundraiser bake sale called "Shove This Up Your Cake Hole?"

I invite your opinions.