I wonder if those founding father types back in the day of the U.S. said to eachother: "Dude, I'm totally manifesting conquering that group over there. I'm just manifesting my destiny, dude." "Yeah, dude, that is why it is called Manifest Destiny and all." "Dude."
If so, that word? It needs to be retired.
This weekend, I learned that I am tired of the following Weekend Sponsorship words:
* Intention
* Manifest
* Burner, the Burn, The Playa
* Sparkle
I will spare y'all the sordid details of the whole thing, but here's what I will share....
1. I sat in the corner of this party this weekend, listening to the music and staring at the scene with eyes saucer-round, feeling the antennae grow til they wove around me like snail eyes.
2. A fella we'll call Anthony happened upon my corner. I had to bury myself in his coat, it was so furry and lovely. He allowed me. Good guy, pretty chill, dressed up a la Great Gatsby, wearing fer reals golf shoes at a dance-focused party. Interesting.
3. A fella happened upon us, introducing himself as “Hi. I’m Bryan. With a Y.”
Me (S): I’m Sara, with an h.
A: I’m Anthony, with a Y. Otherwise it would be Anthon, which would be weird.
(Pause. B makes first frowny face of the evening)
B: The Y is very important.
S and A: Why?
B: Because if you are Brian with an I, people switch the letters in their heads and call you Brain.
A: Why?
S: (think to myself…. Er… now, I am highly dyslexic, but, er… I would WRITE Brain, but even I would not call a Brian Brain, although I am slightly Tourettic, so now actually I might… at least this Brian)
S: So, um, if you are Bryan with a y, don’t people call you Brany then?
(Pause. Second frowny face of the evening)
A: Oooh, I love that. I am so going to call you Brany. Hi Brany.
(Frowny face becomes creasy)
B: So (throat clearing, body shifting to change conversation and block Anthon with a Y), I believe in creating intentions each time I attend an event. I find it allows me to manifest my desires. I always manifest my intentions.
You, the Reader: (uh-oh)
S: (eyes roll like pinwheels). Howʻs that manifesting going for you right now, Brany? (Blink) What are your intentions at this event? Because you know if you tell someone, it is more written in stone and that might make a person more accountable and less likely to shape-shift their intentions in retrospect at the end of the evening. So it might be easier to test your hypothesis that you manifest every one of your intentions and all. So what are your intentions?
B: What are your intentions? Hmmm?
S: I’m totally anti-the-intentions-and-manifesting. Not to yuck your yum – you keep having those intentional manifestings. Power to you and bye-bye.
B: So you come to a party with no intentions?! And look at you - you are just going to hole up in a corner and no one is ever going to talk with you and nothing will ever happen to you! (Storms off, taking creased brow brooding with him)
S: (Blink) Weird.
1 hour later
4. Passed by Brooding Bryan with a y talking to another female. He sees me, glares at me, and plants a fat kiss on the girl while staring at me. Charming.
5. Confused by the hostile act of kissing, I consult the Great Gatsby Anthon y, who informs that B was flirting and, while I am not a burner, I burned him. I missed all that.
Several hours later
6. Recount tragic boo-boo story to the Smurf, who recognizes the person, which allows me to learn that this particular piece of work has managed to manifest himself a whole agency which gives workshops to men on how to converse with females. Whaaaaaaaat?!
My latest intention? To manifest an infestation to eat those two words alive.
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