What I Learned in Class Today

Very useful, this poetry class of mine. Not for increasing the quality of my mediocre poetry creations, unfortunately, but for the deeper, more profound ruminations on life. Let's see how well YOU would fit in to my poetry class:

1. Why is finding out that a "fake" fur coat is really made with dog hair so horrifying?
(a) We attribute higher ordered thinking and sentient being status to domesticated animals, such as dogs and cats; therefore, we find their use in things like clothing and soups more inhumane.
(b) It isn't. At least the country of origin is using the whole dog.
(c) Because, like, dogs, they are like soooooooooooooo fake - fer sure!
(d) Um, because they LIED about their product?

2. I would rather kill a...
(a) deer rather than a dog.
(b) mouse rather than a rat.
(c) prairie dog rather than a monkey or a cat.
(d) celery stalk than any of the above, and why are we talking about this anyways.

3. Your above answer is because....
(a) We attribute higher ordered thinking and sentient being status to domesticated animals, therefore making us prefer killing a wild horse or a deer to a cat or a dog or a monkey.
(b) We prefer to kill small beings over large beings, even though sometimes we are more repulsed by/less spiritually connected to the large beings, therefore making us prefer killing mice over rats.
(c) We understand that this is a sick and ridiculous argument and do not engage.


4. Tommy Hilfiger manufactures and distributes their own "fake" Tommy Hilfiger knock-off line of clothing.
(a) True
(b) False
(c) And there goes another few hundred previously useful memory brain cells.


5. When critiquing a poem that contains the line, "Sometimes fingers sever themselves," a REAL MFA poet declares:
(a) The omomatopœia of this poem strikes me.
(b) I am moved by the quiet sadness in this piece.
(c) That shit is sick [and not in the juvenile sense of that word]. Huh. I wonder how that works? [Tilt head and ponder.]
(d) I would like to know more about the choice of the word 'sometimes.'



"FIT INTO CLASS" ANSWERS:
1. a and occasionally b
2. a and c
3. a
4. a
5. a, b, d

"Yours Truly" Answers:
1. c[as a reflexively sarcastic comment], then d
2. weirdly, I declared b... before recovering to d
3. b [More reflexivity problems... please note that those answering b will immediately be labelled a"survivalist" by the rest of our class]. Erase that and in retrospect answer c.
4. c
5. c

Notice any patterns?